Girl kicking mother crazy on wrong subway: children need love and rules

On October 12, netizens revealed that a girl over 10 years old appeared to be standing tall and looking over 10 years old at Jinyintan station of Wuhan Metro Line 2. According to the photographer, the relationship between the two should be a mother daughter relationship, because the girl’s mother did not know that the destination of the train was Jinyintan. After getting off the bus, the girl kicked her mother with her feet. Nearby passers-by dissuade, the girl also directly hit people, after mother dissuades two people to get on the car to leave. < / P > < p > in fact, similar things are not uncommon in this child care environment that emphasizes the need to meet children’s needs and praises the great maternal love. Especially in recent years, bear children who are more powerful than their parents have appeared in all kinds of news and videos, which makes viewers sigh with regret. And many parents who hope to bring their children happiness are even more puzzled: why so much love, but not let their children become a more loving and more respectful person? < / P > < p > “when we were children, we were very aggrieved. With this baby son, we wanted to love him more. What he wants and likes, we try our best to hope that he will grow up happy and happy, and I will be his mother in vain Li Li, a mother with a 13-year-old son, said. However, what she didn’t expect was that such hard work and hard work did not make her a person loved and respected by children. On the contrary, in her daily life, she felt that she was being exploited and exploited by children. “The kind of self-interest, irresponsible, and snobbish face is really hard to bear. I began to wonder, is it really better for us to study psychology and raise children so hard than the parents of the previous generation? ” < / P > < p > how should children be educated? Why do some parents find that they can’t exchange their children’s love and understanding when they pay a lot? Different families have different reasons. Jacques Mason, an American psychologist, provides one of the perspectives in her works. < / P > < p > costy is the mother of a 3-year-old boy. In her memory, when she was a child, her mother was irritable and capricious, and often scolded people. She felt that her childhood was not happy, and she was afraid that she would become such a mother and be resented by her children. So, after giving birth to a son, costy tried very hard to be a mother who gave her children unconditional love and who would not let her children down. The idea of < / P > < p > makes costy a man who doesn’t dare to set the bottom line for his children. She tries hard to satisfy her children’s needs, but in reality, it’s really hard to make them. For example, every time a child goes to the supermarket, he has to buy a disc on the shelf next to the cash register. Every time he asked, costy would agree. But one day, costy didn’t bring enough money. She thought that the family didn’t need these discs. However, no matter how she tried to persuade her, the children would not listen. The child, who refused to give in, played a yelling trick in the supermarket: “I hate you, I hate you, mom, I hate you!” Costy was embarrassed that he played a poor mother in public, and felt guilty about whether he would hurt the child’s mind. In the author’s eyes, costy is like many good mothers in this era, putting her needs at the end. “Being a mother is often classified as part of a model of female culture, exacerbating our inherent tendency to sacrifice ourselves or be willing to suffer. Many mothers are addicted to the idea that when I become a mother, I must put my own needs at the end of the day, otherwise, I will not be a competent mother. ” In addition, in the author’s eyes, a good mother like costy unconsciously regards her son as the poor and unloved self in her childhood. She hopes to reverse the time, take care of the little girl and change her predicament. < / P > < p > they dare not pay attention to their own needs and are eager to be stamped as “good mothers” to make up for their childhood desires. These potential psychological causes lead mothers to be unable to trust their intuition and adjust flexibly with the pace of their children’s growth. < / P > < p > for example, when a child is still in its infancy, the mother or her substitute needs to put the interests of the child first and take good care of it, so that they may forget to eat or sleep, because the children at that time need all-round care and care. But as the child grows older and becomes an individual living in the reality and relationship, the mother or her substitute has the responsibility to lead the child to understand, feel and adapt to the reality: we are equal from the perspective of personality, we need to respect each other, I hope you understand that you are good, I am good, you are important, I am also important. < / P > < p > as children grow up, they will find that there is a conflict between their own wishes and reality, and they will also see that there will be contradictions between their own needs and the needs of others. For example, I want to eat all the sugar in the box, but the dentist says it will decay; for example, I want other people’s toys, but they are not willing to give them; for example, I am angry and want to beat my mother, but my mother will also hurt and feel sad < / P > < p > we need to give children unconditional love, and at the same time, we need to give children clear rules. These rules help children become more secure. They know that behavior is set in scope and has consequences. They need to learn to lower their expectations, adapt to the actual conditions, and find solutions to conflicts and conflicts. Mothers who are easy to feel guilty and eager to be recognized by others often dare not set clear rules for their children. “I’m afraid that rejecting children will hurt their hearts.” “The child has a bad temper. I think it’s because I didn’t take it well before. I just want to be more tolerant and protect her now to make up for the previous mistakes.” “How can I take care of my own comfort and not take care of the children?” “No matter how tired or bitter or angry I am, as long as I see the child happy and the child likes me, I think everything is worth it.” < / P > < p > however, in the end, you will find that the child is still in the dilemma you are afraid of: you are overburdened, and he resents that you are not good enough to disappoint him. 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