He was re enrolled in the college entrance examination and only got into three universities. Finally, he became a doctor of Huazhong University of science and technology. He was selected into Huawei’s “gifted youth” program and received a top annual salary of 2.01 million.
many people think that Zhang Ji is a “genius”, and that his success can only be looked up to, not copied. So after reading the report, many parents didn’t touch much except exclamation, praise and admiration.
but Zhang Ji does not agree with this view. He always thinks that he is just an ordinary person. Indeed, we failed in the first college entrance examination and only got three copies in the second college entrance examination, which does not conform to our understanding of “genius”.
with Zhang Ji’s “counter attack” experience, after the original family and the concept of struggle were dug out by the media, the refining record of a “non gifted youth” gradually became clear. Zhang Ji’s achievements now are not based on talent, but on super high “reverse quotient”, clear struggle roadmap, and continuous efforts.
Zhang Ji was a repeat student. After taking the college entrance examination twice, she was admitted to Wuchang Institute of technology. In the eyes of many high school teachers and top students, this school simply can’t get into their eyes.
it is obvious that Zhang Ji’s score in the college entrance examination is not excellent, and may even fail in the second college entrance examination. He is likely to have a learning disability in high school, not mastering efficient learning methods and examination skills, or he has test anxiety, and he is in poor condition every time he takes a big exam.
but after Zhang Ji was admitted to three books, his parents did not attack him, or even encouraged him. Zhang Ji didn’t deny himself and be discouraged. Instead, she explored and found her own learning method. She set up the goal of taking the postgraduate entrance examination and the postgraduate entrance examination. Then, she insisted, paid and worked hard to advance towards the goal.
after he successfully obtained the post doctoral examination, he was faced with the difficulty of publishing his thesis. His first paper was rejected six times. The seventh time, Zhang Ji’s first paper was published.
there is no doubt that Zhang Ji’s parents are not only rich in self reflection, but also know how to guide their son to reflect on themselves in the face of setbacks, sum up lessons, quickly improve the short board, and constantly make further progress towards the goal.
by contrast, many of the young patients in our clinic had better scores in college entrance examination than Zhang Ji. They come from key high schools and take the entrance examination of famous schools as their goal of college entrance examination, and many of them have indeed been admitted to 211 and 985 colleges and universities.
if we compare Zhang Ji who was admitted to three books with those who were admitted to key universities, I believe most people will say that they are better than Zhang Ji and have a brighter future.
Unfortunately, their “highlight moment” is also temporary. In fact, there are many psychological hidden dangers behind the excellent achievements and praise of the public: the lack of reverse quotient, the lack of the more frustrated and courageous character, the lack of the road map of life planning, the failure to understand the real significance of learning and success, and excessively clinging to academic achievements and superficial excellence.
therefore, once they encounter great setbacks and their outstanding achievements and performance are threatened, they will easily lead to mental breakdown, fall into despair, suffer from depression, bipolar disorder and other mental and psychological disorders, and have to suspend school at home.
many of the parents we come into contact with in clinical practice are always one-sided pursuit of academic achievements and results, and their definition of success is utilitarian and short-sighted. They blindly encourage their children to enter the top universities, but they do not understand scientific guidance. Although their starting point is good, they often do bad things with good intentions.
therefore, if you want to make your child the second “Zhang Ji”, parents must not only focus on Zhang Ji’s current achievements, but also see his parents’ educational philosophy:
according to media reports, Zhang Ji’s parents are teachers, and they firmly oppose “arranged” education. Instead, they taught Zhang Ji how to analyze the advantages and disadvantages of different choices, and left the decision-making power to the children.
Zhang Ji said: since he was sensible, his parents generally did not make decisions for him. Whenever he wants to make a major decision, his father will analyze the quality of the decision, the good and the bad, and then Zhang Ji will decide.
some parents may read these reports and then “draw gourds and scoops” and go home to apply these methods to their children. This awareness is good, but you must understand the intention and significance behind these ways of guidance.
know how to guide children to understand that there is no absolute right or wrong in many decisions, but there are different advantages and disadvantages. You should analyze the advantages and disadvantages before making a choice, which is a kind of cultivation of decision-making ability;
after children make choices, they should learn to take responsibility for their own choices, minimize the disadvantages, and timely reflect, change and improve themselves when encountering setbacks.
in other words, Zhang Ji’s parents know how to strike a good balance between making decisions for their children and completely letting go. The former is likely to lead to “arranged” education, while the latter may make children isolated, suffer from superimposed psychological trauma and alienate their parents.
Moreover, children are often less aware than their parents due to age restrictions. Even though some children have higher cognitive level than their parents because of reading a large number of books, they are often unable to see the advantages and disadvantages behind when making decisions due to lack of social experience.
Zhang Ji’s parents obviously mastered certain scientific methods, which not only gave children space to grow and try and error, but also played a guiding role.
recently, in a family of patients who are receiving our psychological intervention, their parents, in order to cultivate their children’s independent ability, adhering to the concept of “solving their own affairs”, almost let the children go. When children encounter decision-making difficulties or difficulties in the outside world, the parents always let their children solve them by themselves.
for example, when the patient was 6 or 7 years old, he had a conflict with his classmates at school. After dealing with the incident, he went home and told his mother, hoping to get her comfort and understanding. But his mother scolded him and thought it was his fault to have conflicts with his classmates.
in the middle school stage, he had a fierce conflict with a teacher. The teacher called his mother to school, and his mother also blamed him for causing trouble, which made him have to go to school.
although the parents’ starting point is good intentions, the method is very unscientific. They want their children to deal with problems independently, but they don’t know how to teach them how to deal with problems first.
slowly, the patient was lonely, helpless and disappointed with his parents. When he encountered difficulties, he was no longer willing to communicate with his parents. At one time, he thought that his parents did not love themselves, and he thought that he had lived by his own efforts.
in this process, the patient suffered from a lot of superimposed psychological trauma from the original family and school, and was finally diagnosed as bipolar disorder by other authoritative psychiatrists.
therefore, the real ability of independent thinking and decision-making is not cultivated by parents’ “letting go”, but by parents’ active guidance and demonstration of children’s childhood.
otherwise, on the surface, the ability of independent thinking and decision-making may exist, but the relationship between children and their parents is very remote, and they even repel their parents. They lack a sense of security in their hearts, and they have poor pressure resistance. This is very easy for them to suffer from mental and psychological disorders, and it is also difficult to get a line, cultivate a sense of delayed satisfaction and pay
Zhang Ji’s parents will not blindly satisfy their children Demand, but know how to delay gratification, guide children to understand that nothing is nothing for nothing, want to have income, must pay first. In this way, the harvest is more valuable and can bring a sense of achievement.
more than 600 children are faced with two choices. One is to eat marshmallows and biscuits immediately, and the other is to wait for a while. If they choose to eat later, they can get double rewards.
20 years later, Professor Mitchell conducted a follow-up study on some children who took part in the test at that time, and found that children’s delay time was closely related to their future academic success.
of course, this experiment can only show that there is a certain data correlation between the ability of “delayed gratification” and achievement, rather than an absolute linear relationship. Other factors such as family environment, socio-economic status and school education also play an important role.
in today’s cities, the economic conditions of most families are not poor. When children put forward material needs, parents immediately meet them, which is the easiest and most convenient way. This is the first time that children lose the ability of self-control and self-control.
on the contrary, if a child’s material needs are met blindly, the child can obtain it without paying. Over time, children may take their parents’ contribution for granted.
many parents lament: Why have they raised “white eyed wolves” who do not know how to be grateful after years of hard work? That is precisely because, in the process of children’s growth, parents have never asked them to pay, they do not know the scientific and correct way of education.
our clinical children who really meet the diagnostic criteria of typical bipolar disorder are really smart. They have received excessive praise since childhood, and have formed pathological positive emotional experience. They always think that they are superior and arrogant.
once they have made a little achievement, they will be complacent and take it lightly. Therefore, they are easy to underestimate the difficulties ahead, suffer setbacks again and stop moving forward.
he is not arrogant and impetuous. He keeps a humble attitude and is ready to make continuous efforts and pay at any time. This is really commendable.
after giving children recognition, we should also guide them to see that the temporary excellence only represents the present moment. If you want to maintain excellence, you must see the difficulties ahead and make continuous efforts and efforts!
besides, Zhang Ji’s “Three Outlooks” are very correct! According to reports, Zhang Ji has actually received offers from many large companies, and the annual salary offered by these companies exceeds Huawei’s 2.01 million yuan.
but Zhang Ji said that salary is one of the factors influencing decision-making, but it is not the factor that he values most. In the end, he chose Huawei, which was more interested and more suitable for him.
as we all know, Huawei is under severe pressure from many foreign countries and its future is uncertain. But Zhang Ji is not afraid. Instead, he hopes that he can give full play to what he has learned and used, and try his best to help Huawei tide over some difficulties.
“determined to serve the country, bear the burden, forge ahead, and write a youth without regret”, Zhang Ji’s words revealed a strong sense of patriotism, social responsibility and sense of mission.
a person’s ability often determines whether he can achieve social status and wealth achievements, while a person’s Three Outlooks determine his pattern.
if you want to be a person with a high level, a big pattern and a great contribution to the society, noble characters such as social responsibility, sense of mission and patriotism are the necessary qualities.
in clinical practice, we have contacted some parents. Although they are rich in money, or they are high-level intellectuals such as university teachers and artists, they lack patriotism.
they blindly pursue the values of western countries, Europe and the United States